


Perfect Like the Stars

by witchierichie



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier - Freeform, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Lesbian Beverly Marsh, M/M, a very sad eddie kaspbrak, beverly marsh is a new yorker in california, moonstruck au if you squint really hard, myra kaspbrak - Freeform, richie tozier is the best californian, very very brief mention of ben hanscom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchierichie/pseuds/witchierichie
Summary: “Eddie, I love you, but not like how they told you love was, and I didn’t know this either, but love doesn’t make things easy. It ruins things. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect or easy. The stars are perfect. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and break our heart and love the wrong people and die! The storybooks are bullshit.”orThe fic where Eddie realizes that he does, in fact, deserve good things in life





	Perfect Like the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys this is my first fic on, so I'm sorry if this is not good.  
> The lines in the summary are from the movie Moonstruck

Eddie Kaspbrak was a complicated man living a seemingly simple life. He was to be married in a week to his fiancé. He supposed he loved her, but when you’re engaged to the carbon copy of your deceased mother it was hard to tell how you felt on that subject.

The day started like any other really. Eddie woke up next to his fiancé, Myra, in his New York City apartment that he knew in his heart was way too overpriced. He made whatever shitty coffee Myra bought that week and checked his phone.

One missed call from Beverly Marsh. Confusion swam through his head, why did his best friend from college call him at four in the morning. Without thinking twice, he called her back.

Beverly Marsh was a whirlwind in Eddie Kaspbrak’s life. He met her in his history 120 class during his freshman year at NYU. The moment he talked to her, he felt like his life took a dramatic change. She had this way of making him come out of his shell, drive around the city at 2 in the morning, go to parties and dance with her in the middle of the room, he made her life feel better than it had felt in the past 18 years. He lived his life the way he had always dreamed when he was growing up. All of that changed when he met Myra. Myra asked him out, and in his heart, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be with women, but something about Myra made him obey. At first, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but soon enough he realized that she was exactly his mother and once she had him in her grasp he was stuck.

“Eddie?” A voice speaks through the phone.

“Hey, Bev.” He says with a small laugh.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“I should be asking you that, you called me at four am, one am your time.” He said as he swirled the coffee in his cup.

“Oh, that. I know it seems crazy, but would you want to watch my apartment for me for a week? I know that I live across the damn country, but I could pay for your plane ticket.” She said.

He looked around the room as he thought for a second, maybe going out to LA for a week could be good, god knows staying here is suffocating him.

“Sure.” He said.

“Holy shit, okay, thanks so much Ed.” She said, and he could tell she was smiling on the other end.

“I mean I’ll come, but why have me come all the way out there.”

“Honestly, I know it seems weird, but something in my body told me you needed to get out and it would also be my excuse to see you for a day before I go.” She said.

“Go? Where are you headed off to Marsh?” He asked.

“I feel like I need to see my mom so I’m heading out to Queens.” She said. The thought of all of this made him laugh, she was heading out to New York and he was heading out to LA. Maybe they could just switch lives forever.

“Anyways thank you so much, Eddie, I’ll text you when I have the ticket.” She said.

“Okay, thank you. Bye.” He said, and he hung up the phone.

 

His heart raced for a moment as he thought about what he just agreed to. He was going to just drop everything and fly out to LA for a week and leave his life here. He sincerely hoped that leaving everything behind would make him actually want to marry Myra when he got back.

 

“Eddie bear, why are you doing this?” Myra asked with a pout as she watched her fiancé pack up the last of his things.

“Because I need to help a friend out.” He said blandly. All their conversations were bland, his life felt like the color beige when he was with her. In most cases, he felt like the unluckiest man in the world. He didn’t know how she couldn’t feel the same way.

“Can’t you just stay here, we are getting married in two weeks.” She said and pushed a few tears out. Crying was a way that his mother manipulated him, and usually, it would break him when Myra would do it, but not this time. He had made a promise to Beverly.

“No Myra, I’ll see you next week.” He said as he placed a kiss on her cheek. Stepping out of his apartment and hailing a taxi gave him the sort of satisfaction he hasn’t felt in years.

 

After six hours of flying and layovers, Eddie Kaspbrak touched down at LAX. He had never been fond of flying, it was an easy way to die, not to mention the germs, the gross food and the screaming child that for some reason was always on the plane.

As he left the terminal and entered baggage claim his heart filled with sunshine as he saw the iconic red hair of Beverly Marsh.

“Well if it isn’t Miss January Embers.” He says, and she spun around. A nickname he gave her after a boy in their literature class wrote her a poem that referred to her hair as January embers.

“Hi angel.” She says as she gives him a tight hug that warms his bones that he didn’t even know were frozen. Regardless of living in LA for the past few years, her New York accent was stronger than ever.

“How has everything been?” She asks as she pulls away.

“Things have been good.” He answers. No, no things haven’t been good. His luck has been in the toilet for about four years.

“Your getting married in two weeks, are you excited!” She exclaimed.

“Oh yeah.” He says in his best attempt to sound enthusiastic.

The sound of the luggage coming out stops their conversation and Eddie watches patiently for his bag.

 

“Nice blinker fuckface.” Beverly says. Eddie can’t help but laugh, she really hasn’t changed all that much since she moved here.

She pulls into an apartment complex and parks her car in what he assumes to be her assigned spot. As he gets out of the car he looks around, the building is incredibly tall with hundreds of units all stacked on top of each other.

“Follow me.” She says with a wink and he can’t help but stifle a laugh. He takes a good luck at his friend. Beverly Marsh will always be an iconic woman in his mind, the first women he ever looked up to, and truly the only woman he will ever love. She wears light ripped jeans, a short sleeve button up that only she can make fashionable and beat up vans.

They enter the lobby of her building and take the elevator up to the sixth floor and she leads him to an apartment numbered 603. Eddie looks around at the house that is so effortlessly Beverly Marsh in the sense that it is both a mess and neat from the decorations to the setup.

“God how I’ve missed you, Bev.” He says with a laugh.

“I’ve missed you too angel.

 

Later that night they sit together on her couch as music plays softly on the tv and an open bottle of vodka sits on the table. Eddie was plastered, he could feel a blackout coming.

“You know what?” He slurs.

“Hmmmmm?”

“My life is a fucking mess. I’m engaged to a woman I don’t even love and I’m fucking stuck like that because I always hear my moms voice telling me to stay with her when I think of leaving and NOW I’m getting married in two fucking weeks. I’m not even straight and I’m getting married to a woman.” He says as he takes another shot of vodka, which he will regret in the morning.

Beverly searches his face after he makes his confession, the statement sobering her up. She made a mental note to talk to him about it later but now was not the time.

“Life’s a fucking mess. Cheers.” She says as they clink their shot glasses together.

 

Spinning. That’s the first thing that Eddie felt when he opened his eyes the next morning.

“God fuck.” He whispered to himself as he held his head. He leans over his bed and grabs his bag, pulling it towards him and taking out the aspirin he brought with him. He dry swallows the pills which leaves a chalky residue.

He throws himself out of the bed that he has no memory of entering. He pads his way to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. He knows Beverly will have good coffee, unlike the shit that Myra always buys.

“Fuck, Myra.” Eddie thinks to himself. He shakes his head and decides he will think of the mess in his life later. Now is the time for him to live in denial.

Eddie presses his back against the counter as he waits for the coffee to brew. He spots a note from Bev sitting on the dining table.

_Hey Eddie,_

_Sorry I missed you this morning, but I had an early flight. Thank you again so much for all of this!_

_Bev_

_p.s. I’ll call you later I have some things I want to talk to you about._

What could she have to talk to him about? He tries to remember what they talked about last night, but everything is a blur.

The coffee machine beeps and he makes himself a cup and sits down at the table. He looks out the window and sees the city. Something about this city feels more like home than New York has ever felt to him. He can’t tell if it’s the blue skies and palm trees or if it’s the lack of reputation in this city.

A loud knock on the door takes him out of thoughts. He sighs as he gets up to answer the door.

He opens the door and standing outside is a man that looks like no one he has ever seen before. He is much taller than Eddie with thick dark curls and glasses and a fashion sense that confuses Eddie. He wears a black thrasher shirt and an open Hawaiian shirt with cut off shorts and old vans. On anybody else, this ensemble would be a nightmare, but for some reason on him, it seems to work.  

“Well hello there cutie, do you know where Beverly is?” He asks.

 “She’s in New York right now.” Eddie deadpans.

“Are you fucking kidding? We had plans today.” He says getting frustrated.

Something about this man standing outside his door makes him feel a way he has never encountered. Without thinking he asks, “Do you want to come inside for a cup of coffee.”

He raises his eyebrows and contemplates for a moment before nodding his head.

“So, who are you exactly?” The man asks as he sits down at the table he is obviously comfortable with.

“I’m Eddie, I’m a friend of Bev’s from college.” He tells him.

“Wait, I’ve heard of you before. She talks about how you guys were basically inseparable at NYU.” He says with a laugh. Eddie nods his head with a small smile.

“I’m Richie, but you can call me anytime.” He says with a wink.

“Oh, fuck off.” Eddie says as he pours a cup of coffee.

 _Who is this guy and how does Bev hang around with him?_ Eddie thought to himself.

“Here.” Eddie said as he handed him the cup of coffee.

“Thanks.” Richie said with a smile. As Eddie looked at the smiling boy sitting across from him, he could easily say he made him feel something he isn’t very familiar with. All he can say is that in some way it makes him feel guilty.

“So, Eds, what’s a cutie like yourself doing out here all alone?” Richie asks him as he takes another sip of coffee from the chipped cup.

“First of all, my name is Eddie and second of all I’m housesitting what am I supposed to do, bring all my friends here?” Eddie asks with a tone of annoyance.

“Okay Eddie Spaghetti, I heard you were getting married where is the lucky fellow anyway?” He asks raising his eyebrows.

“Eddie Spaghetti is definitely worse than Eds and I’m marrying a woman I’m – I’m not gay.” Eddie says as his heart races, he knows he’s lying, but this guy doesn’t really need to know all about his life it’s not like he’s going to see him again.

“Ah okay.” Richie says as he furrows his brows and takes a long sip of coffee.

Eddie hates when he has to lie about who he is, it makes his whole body feel like it's been set ablaze by hellfire, the fire that his mother told him homosexuals would burn in. At this point, he has become used to the pain, but it doesn’t mean he has to like it.

An awkward silence falls over the room as they both shoot glances around the kitchen. To Eddie, the small stain on the tile floor is more intriguing than the truth.

“What are you doing today, mate?” Richie asks in a butchered Australian accent.

“I’m not sure, I really don’t know anything that goes on here.” Eddie replies.

“Get dressed, I’ll take you around.” Richie says with a small smirk.

“Really?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, I was supposed to hang out with Bev today, but I suppose I’ll settle for her cute house sitter.” Richie replies nonchalantly.

Eddie desperately tries to suppress the blush that comes to his cheeks and nods his head to go to the guest room to get dressed. He throws open his suitcase, he wants to find something to wear that doesn’t make him stick out. He fumbles around with the clothes in front of him and just settles for a pair of blue jeans and an old yellow shirt he’s had forever.

He throws his phone and wallet into his pockets and walks back into the kitchen.

“Ready?” Richie asks and Eddie nods as he grabs the house key Beverly left him and walks out with Richie, quickly locking the door.

“So, where you from, Eds?” He asks.

Eddie rolls his eyes at the nickname and responds, “Originally I’m from Maine, but I live in New York now.”

“What about you?” He adds.

“Born and raised right here in California, originally I’m from Encinitas, but now I’m here.” He answers as they exit the building. Eddie nods his head pretending he knows where Encinitas is.

They approach a beat up blue Volkswagen Variant that makes Eddie’s skin itch when he looks at it. He unlocks the door and they get in. The inside of the car was in perfect condition as if he started to fix it and just got tired of working on it. He starts the car easily and plugs in his phone and start playing music that Eddie would never listen to.

“How do you feel about the beach?” He asks as he pulls out of his parking spot.

“It’s fine.” Eddie answers, but if he’s being honest he hasn’t gone to the beach a lot in his life. There weren’t any in Derry, and once he moved to New York he spent most of his time in the city.

“If I’m being honest I have a bias, where I’m from is a beach town.” Richie says with a laugh as he puts a cigarette between his teeth and lights it quickly.

Eddie scrunches up his face at the action. “You know you shouldn’t do that, they’ll kill you.” Eddie says.

Richie lets out a laugh and shrugs as he takes a long drag and blows the smoke out the window. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, Eds.”

He looks away and just listens to the music.

“ _Everybody’s got somebody, everybody but me.”_ The line makes his stomach clench, but he tries to ignore the feeling.

“What made you move here?” Eddie asks Richie.

“Work mostly, I’m a radio DJ, but I also like the feeling up here. There’s always something happening.” Richie answers and Eddie nods his head.

“What about you? Why did you move to New York?” He asks.

“For school, it was the farthest from Maine that I applied.” Eddie tells him, skipping over the part where he moved there to get away from his manipulative mother and avoid the small town like the plague for the rest of his life.

Richie nods his head and doesn’t pry, which Eddie appreciates. Beverly always pries and makes him talk about things he doesn’t want to.

Eddie likes silence, but Richie doesn’t, he hates it with a passion so every time there was too much silence he would talk or sing as loud as he could. In most cases, this would push Eddie to his limit, but with Richie, while it may be annoying it is also endearing in a way.

“We’ve arrived my dear chap.” Richie says in an English accent and Eddie shakes his head and scoffs.

He gets out of the car and looks around and his heart stops for a second. What he sees is one of the most beautiful sights in his life. In one direction there is the ocean, the water a blue that Eddie hasn’t ever experienced in person, the waves move quickly bringing joy to everyone sitting on the sand. In the other direction, there are all kinds of stores and restaurants, the look of them making his heart flutter in his chest. If he looks out further on the beach there is a boardwalk with a big Ferris wheel.

“Where are we?” He asks with a smile.

“Santa Monica, my dear Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie tells him.

“This is really gorgeous.” Eddie smiles.

Richie nods his head and Eddie can hear him say something quietly to himself.

“Come on Eds.” He says sticking out his hand. Eddie takes it and as his hand presses against Richie’s he can feel his engagement ring burning into his skin. He disregards the feeling as best he can.

Richie drags Eddie into all kinds of stores, and he tries to buy him a Hawaiian shirt insisting that they could be matching but Eddie begs him to not do it. They walk through each store and look at all kinds of items and Richie talks about California with the kind of passion Eddie is sure he hasn’t felt in his life yet.

“Come on Eds you’ll love this place.” Richie says as he takes him to a store called Timewarp Records. When they step inside Eddie sees that the place is covered in Vinyls and CDs and posters. Richie’s eyes light up when he looks around. The two walk around, picking up different albums and telling the other that “This is an amazing album.” Or “This album is incredible!”

Eddie watches Richie walk around the store and he is sure that he has never seen someone so happy, a small smile stays plastered on the boy’s face as he picks up album after album. The smile on Richie’s face makes Eddie’s stomach twist and he wishes that it wouldn’t, but at the same time, he loves the feeling.

“ _Be still my stupid fucking heart.”_ Eddie thinks to himself.

 

As Richie pulls back up to Beverly’s apartment Eddie can’t help but feel disappointed.

“Thanks for today.” Eddie says with a smile.

“It’s nothing.” Richie smiles back. He reaches his hand into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Eddie, “Text me sometime.”

Eddie nods his head and steps out of the car.

“Bye Eds.” He says as he drives off.

Eddie takes in a deep breath. _“What the fuck Kaspbrak, get it together. He’s just being nice don’t let it get to your head.”_

Eddie unlocks the door to Bev’s apartment and throws himself on the couch. A million thoughts race through his head, the main thought being Richie’s smile in the record shop. He hasn’t seen a smile like that since the night in college when Eddie and Bev sat underneath the stars and she confessed that she a lesbian, a smile spreading across her face when Eddie told her he would always accept her. Eddie mentally slaps himself and reminds himself of the fact that he is going to marry Myra. Richie is something he can’t get into.

He hears his phone ring and he turns it over to see Bev calling him and he answers it quickly.

“Hey Bev.” He says with a smile.

“Hey Eddie, what’s up?” She asks.

“Not much I, uh, just got back from hanging out with your friend Richie.” He says biting his lip.

“Richie? Why was he- Wait! Shit, we had plans today!” She exclaims.

“Anyways how was the flight?” He asks as he tries to change the subject.

“As good as a six-hour flight can be.” She says with a laugh.

“Look, Eddie, I need to talk to you about something.” She adds.

“Okay?” He questions.

“Do you remember anything we talked about last night?” She asks.

“No.” He answers truthfully.

“You told me you were gay, which is fine, but what has been sitting with me is the fact that you said you were marrying your fiancé so that you wouldn’t disappoint your mother.” She says seriously.

“Oh, it’s okay don’t worry about it.” He says as he swallows the lump in his throat.

“No Eddie. It’s not okay. Look I’m your best friend and I can’t watch you suffer. If what you said to me is true, then I want you to seriously think about ending this relationship. My love, I don’t want to watch you throw your life away.” She tells him, and he can’t fight the silent tears that fall down his cheeks.

“I don’t – “

“You don’t have to say anything right now, but I want you to think about this.” She tells him.

He sits there quietly with the phone to his ear as tears continue to fall.

“I gotta go Ed, but I love you.” She says.

“Okay, bye.” He says and ends the call, regretting not saying he loved her too. He throws his phone onto the couch and lets himself cry. He lets out loud sobs and pulls his knees to his chin as he rocks himself.

“ _Homosexuals are a sin against God, Eddie bear. I don’t know what I would do with myself if you were, well you know, a faggot.”_ Eddie hears his mom say in his head.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

Sin, sin, sin, sin, sin.

Faggot, faggot, faggot.

That night Eddie falls asleep on the couch after crying for a few hours.

 

It takes a few days before Eddie gets the courage to put Richie’s number in his phone and send him a text.

_Hey Richie, this is Eddie._

Almost immediately he gets a text back.

_Hey Eds! Almost thought you would never text_

_Sorry haha I misplaced the paper._ Lie.

_No worries. What’s up?_

Eddie waits a few minutes before he replies. He gets up and washes the dishes in the sink and places them in the washer.

_Nothing really, just finishing some packing._

_Packing?_

_Yeah, I’m leaving tomorrow_

_Damn :/_

Eddie laughs at the fact that Richie uses a face in his text, he really hasn’t seen someone do that in a while.

_Look, eds, you want to grab something to eat tonight as a farewell?_

Eddie stares at his screen and gets up and walks away from his phone. He’s doing this as a friend and so are you, you’re marrying Myra. Myra. Myra. Myra. Myra. Images of the woman flood his mind and he scowls.

_Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks! What time are you thinking?_

_No problemo eds, I get off work at 6 so how is 6:30?_

_Works for me_

_K, see you then!_

Eddie leaves it at that. Over the past few days, Eddie has locked himself in the house as he thought about his conversation with Beverly. He wanted to so badly just walk away from his whole life and just start new, but that terrified him. He had roots and he didn’t know how to rip them out. Every time he got close to the idea his mother's voice would pop into his head and he would shy away. So, what if he hates his life? He could deal with it.

Eddie looks at the clock hanging in the living room that told him it was three in the afternoon, so he decided that was a good time to take a shower. He walks into Beverly’s bathroom and turns on the faucet, ever since he left his moms house he loved to take hot showers. She always made him take cold showers in fear that he would burn himself, but when he had his freedom he likes them hot.

He strips down and avoids looking in the mirror, he hates looking in the mirror because he can’t bear to see himself knowing that he can never be himself. He steps into the shower and begins the whole process. When Eddie was a child he wondered if he scrubbed hard enough when he showered he could take all of the imperfections out of himself with the perfect amount of anti-bacterial soap. When he started to figure out his sexuality as a teenager he spent an extra thirty minutes in the shower wondering if he could scrub it all away, if he could get it to leak out of him and go down the drain.

 

With a towel wrapped tightly around his waist, he examines the clothes in his bag. He doesn’t want to look like he’s trying too hard, but he also doesn’t want to look like doesn’t give a fuck. He pulls out a pair of black pants and a short sleeve button up. He pulls on the outfit and examines himself in the mirror, giving himself a slight nod he walks off.

Eddie hears his phone ding and walks over to it to check and sees a text from Bev

_Have you put any thought into our conversation from the other day?_

_Yeah_

Eddie is glad that she leaves the messages at that, she is his best friend and always will be and thankfully there are times that she knows there isn’t a need to pry.

Six thirty comes faster than Eddie wanted it to, but at exactly six thirty on the dot Richie is knocking on the apartment door.

Eddie walks over to open and looks at Eddie, he can tell the boy is freshly showered and attempted to look good with a pair of black jeans without holes and a white tee shirt. Eddie catches Richie looking him up and down and rolls his eyes.

“Well, well, well, look at you wearing all black.” He says with a smile.

Eddie shakes his head with a laugh.

“You ready?” Richie asks, and Eddie nods his head and grabs his things.

“How was your day?” Eddie asks as they exit the building and walk towards Richie’s car. ‘

“Good, just a pretty typical day at the studio.” Richie replies with a smile.

“So where are we going?” Eddie asks awkwardly.

“It’s a surprise.” Richie says as he starts his car.

“So Eds, you ready to go home?” He asks.

No, no, no, no, no.

“Yeah, I guess.” He says with a shrug.

A part of Eddie hopes that he somehow disappears so that he never has to embrace his life in New York again. So he never has to see Myra again, he never has to drink shitty coffee again, he never has to pay for his overpriced apartment again.

“Fast food?” Eddie asks as they pull up to a restaurant.

“Not just any fast food my dear Eds, this is In N Out, the holy grail of Los Angeles.” He says with a smirk.

Eddie shakes his head and laughs as they walk in.

“Wait here Eddie Spaghetti I’ll get the food.” Richie says as he walks away.

Eddie sits down on a bench and waits until Richie comes back with a cup.

“I got the food to go.”

Within ten minutes the boys are back in a car and heading to an unknown location to Eddie.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asks.

“I want to give you a good time before you have to go back to the real world.” Richie tells him with a small smile.

With every fiber of Eddie’s being he knows that he wants to form a friendship with Richie, but in his hard of hearts he knows that once he gets back to New York his life will be very different. He will be a married man with an apartment in the city, a steady job, and a spiraling mental state.

Richie pulls into a parking spot and Eddie takes in his surroundings, it looks like they’re at just a regular neighborhood park.

“Where are we?” Eddie asks.

“A park, I always pass here and want to just hang out, but never have the chance.” Richie states as he gets out of the car. Eddie follows him as he grabs a blanket.

“A picnic?”

Richie nods his head.

“Rich, you are one cheesy fucker.” Eddie says with a laugh.

“What can I say.” He says as he shrugs.

Richie throws down the blanket under a large palm tree. He sits down on the blanket and pats the spot next to him, indicating for Eddie to follow. He wipes off the blanket and sits down. Richie hands him his food and begins to eat.

“Come on Eds you really have to try this.” Richie says with his mouth full and Eddie cringes at the sight but unwraps the food. It looks like just a regular burger.

Eddie nods his head as he takes a bite, “Yeah, it’s pretty good.”

Richie smiles and they continue to eat their food in silence. It’s a comfortable silence that they can both enjoy as they look around with each bite. In Richie Tozier’s mind he knows this is the only time he has ever truly been comfortable with no noise around him.

 

The two men lay on the blanket as they look up towards the sky, even at seven-thirty at night there is still light. The sky has turned into a sea of pinks and orange as the sun starts its journey to set.

“Isn’t it funny how wherever you go the sunset and sunrise changes too. Like in New York there is more blue in the sunset whereas here there is much more pink.” Eddie states.

“The world is funny like that.” Richie replies. There are times where Richie is energetic and high strung and other times where he is soft and relaxed when Richie is around Eddie Kaspbrak his mind becomes much quieter and being relaxed is easier than ever.

“I’ll miss you Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie says.

“Yeah, I’ll miss you too.” He says with a small laugh.

In a blink of an eye Richie Tozier is leaning over Eddie, his eyes darting up and down Eddie’s face. Before Eddie can say a word, Richie is placing his lips on Eddie’s and starts to kiss him. Eddie hesitates for a minute and begins to kiss him back. He can’t help but notice that Richie’s lips are softer than they look and he tastes of mint gum. A feeling like fire starts in Eddie’s stomach, something he has never felt with Myra. Myra. Myra. Myra. Eddie pushes Richie off him and sits up.

“What was that?” Eddie says. It hurts him to have to stop something that felt good, but he is with Myra. He’s supposed to be.

“I, uh.” Richie Tozier is at a loss for words for the first time in his life.

“Can you take me back to Beverly’s?” Eddie asks and Richie nods.

They get into the car and sit in silence, this time it’s not so comfortable. It’s cold and both of their minds are so loud, each boy believes the other can hear his thoughts.

Richie pulls into a spot and Eddie looks around, the scene is unfamiliar.

“Where are we?” He asks, nerves building in his chest.

“My apartment.” Richie tells him.

“I need to talk to you.” He adds.

Eddie stares at him, examining his face.

“Eddie there is something between us, I know it. I’ve never felt this way around anyone else but you before. My mind races at a million miles a minute, but when I’m with you it all slows down and I can think clearly for once.”

“Richie please, I can’t do this. You know I- I have someone.” Eddie says as he fiddles with the engagement ring on his finger.

“I know, but please hear- “

Eddie cuts him off, “Please Richie take me back to Beverly’s.” He says as tears begin to fall down his face. They are hot and sticky, and he prays that they would just go away.

“I can’t do this. I’m supposed to marry her, it’s how it has to be. It’s how to keep things perfect and easy. Are you even listening to me!” Eddie snaps at Richie who is examining the sky that has now turned dark and stars are littering the sky.

“Yeah.” He says with a nod.

“Eddie, I love you, but not like how they told you love was, and I didn’t know this either, but love doesn’t make things easy. It ruins things. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect or easy. The stars are perfect. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and break our heart and love the wrong people and die! The storybooks are bullshit.” Richie says and at this point, tears are running down his face as well.

Eddie looks over Richie’s face, examining every inch. His heart in his throat as every word Richie said repeats in his head. He understands fully that he isn’t supposed to be with Myra. He knows it now.

Eddie moves the hair out of Richie’s face and cups his face in his hand and brings it up, so they can be eye level. They stare into each other’s eyes and neither can tell you how it happened, but their lips latched together perfectly, and it felt like volcanoes were erupting inside. The warmth that was created felt like something Eddie had never experienced and it thawed every inch of cold pain he felt in his life.

As they pulled away, each man gasping for breath a blanket of contentment fell over the car.

“I have to be on a flight back to New York in less than twenty-four hours and I would much rather do anything else.” Eddie says.

“Then don’t go.” Richie says.

“I- I have to.” Eddie stutters as he looks down.

“Are you still going to marry her?” Richie asks, a tone of sadness that he tries hard to hide falls over his voice.

Eddie stays silent for a moment then says, “I have to sort some things out.”

Richie looks at him and nods slowly. “I’ll take you back to Beverly’s.”

There is an unidentifiable feeling in the car as they ride back to Beverly’s. While the ride is short in distance because Richie only lives a few blocks away, it feels like a lifetime to Eddie. Thoughts racing through his head at a mile a minute. He was sure he would go home and suffer through the rest of his life, but now he has had a taste of what could be, and he doesn’t want to give it back. Electricity still pulses through his lips from where Richie’s had been just a few minutes before.

Richie is a tornado in Eddie’s life, he came in and shook everything up and changed every plan he thought he had. Is it possible to love a tornado?

“I’ll, um, I’ll see you later.” Richie says as he rubs the back of his neck.

Eddie nods his head.

“Have a safe flight.” He says quietly and Eddie smiles. He places his lips on Richie’s once more, the electricity flows freely, like lightning striking in a monsoon. Eddie had never done drugs before, but he assumed this feeling was what it was like when you tried heroin for the first time.

“Bye.” Eddie whispers and gets out of the car and heads into the building, gripping the key tightly in his hand.

He can feel his stomach crawl into his throat, he wanted to turn around and run back to Richie’s car. He wanted to get in and let Richie drive through the whole night until they got to some town neither of them had been to before and just started over. He wanted to throw everything from his life in New York into the ocean and let it all float away.

That night sleep was very minimal. He thought of Richie and every time an image of Myra would pop into his head, but he pushed back, pushed harder than he’s ever pushed in his life. Every time he would hear his mother’s voice he would yell back at her. He was tired of living under his dead mother’s rule, he was tired of being afraid of disappointing the dead. He didn’t care if his mother and father rolled in their graves, he’ll be damned if he has to continue a life of suffering.

 

Waking up was harder than falling asleep when you sleep very few hours your body feels heavier than it ever had, and Eddie Kaspbrak felt as though he weighed a thousand pounds.

On his way out the door, he left Beverly a note telling her thank you for asking him to come out, and he had a feeling he would see her again very soon.

 

As Eddie Kaspbrak looked out the plane window all he could see were clouds, but he felt as though he was crashing down to earth at a million miles an hour and his death was imminent. He was terrified to show up to his apartment in Manhattan and he was afraid to face Myra. He knew what he had to do, he just wished it was easier to do, without having to be such a struggle and a push. When the pilot states that they would be landing soon his heart crawled into his throat, and a part of him wished that it would just crawl out of his mouth and join his soul back in Los Angeles.

 

The feeling of a plane landing on the runway always caused Eddie Kaspbrak a great deal of stress and when the wheels of his plane hit the ground he wondered how much stress his body could really take before he would combust into nothingness. His thought scattered, for the past six hours he had been writing a script in his head of what he was going to say and what he was going to do, but now he forgot all his lines and it was opening night. He takes a long, deep breath as he begins to exit the plane. This was going to be the beginning of a new life, or so he hoped.

When the car dropped him off in front of his apartment he stood in front for a few minutes and took in a breath, he hadn’t longed for a placebo inhaler in years, but today he was jonesing for just one hit of the sugar water, that probably did worse things for his lungs than anything. He began the walk up the steps and with each step he felt like he was wearing cinder blocks on his feet. With trembling hands, he pulls his key out of his pocket and unlocks the door.

“Myra?” He calls out.

“Oh, Eddie bear!” He could hear her call from the other room and he braced himself.

“How I missed you!” She shouts as she bounds over to him and engulfs him in a bone crushing hug that he wishes he could fall into, but every time he’s around her, he feels as though he has to be on guard.

“Myra, I have to talk to you.” He says.

She looks at him, examining him. He truly fears that she is reading his thoughts.

“Come sit.” He says as he sits on the couch.

“What’s wrong Eddie?” She asks.

“Myra. I, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but I’m calling it quits.” He says, trying his best to keep his voice from trembling.

Her mouth falls open as he finishes his sentence. “What do you mean?” She asks as tears pool up in her eyes.

“Myra, I have been living a lie. I am gay, and I am doing both of us a favor by ending this.”

“Our wedding is in a week, you can’t leave me like this!”

“Don’t you think I know this? I know the wedding is in a week, but I’ll make a few calls and cancel plans.” He says, his confidence building.

“I can’t do this on my own.” She cries loudly.

“You can, and you will, I promise.” Eddie tells her as he gets up.

“Where are you going?” She asks.

“To get my things.” He tells her as he walks into their shared bedroom. He grabs the remainder of his clothes and shoves them into the suitcase he already has, a feeling of light floods his body after every article of clothing is picked up and he has everything he could need. He looks around the room, the overpriced apartment and can feel every piece of the lie his life is, was, falling apart. With a smile, he takes the luggage by the handle and begins to walk it out.

He pulls the engagement ring off his finger and places it on the table. Myra’s eyes follow every move he makes with the ring.

“Don’t do this to me, Eddie!” She cries.

“I’m helping us both I promise. You can do this.” He says with a small smile and opens the door and begins to walk back down the hallway.

“Get back here Eddie! Please! You’re causing a scene!” She screams from the doorway of the apartment. He never looks back. This is the beginning of a whole new life for Eddie Kaspbrak, a new and happy life, a life he is meant to live.

Once the elevator door closes he pulls out his phone and dials Beverly’s number.

“Hello?” She answers.

“I listened to you.” He says.

“What?” She asks.

“I just left my apartment for the last time, I’m doing it Beverly!” He says a small tear of joy falls down his face.

Beverly screams on the other end of the phone, from the scream he can tell she’s doing her little dance she does when she’s ecstatic.

“Can I stay with you?” He asks.

“Yes! A million times yes!” She shouts.

“I’ll see you in another six hours.” He tells her as he hangs up the phone.

When he gets to the airport, he books a nonstop flight from LaGuardia to LAX. He was afraid that if he had a layover he would somehow get scared and turn back.

By 9 PM, he is back in LA and tightly wrapped in Beverly Marsh’s arms, a hug that made him feel put together. As if her arms were the glue he has needed all along.

“I need you to do me a favor Bev.” He says.

“Of course.” She says as she unlocks her car door.

“Take me to Richie’s, I’ll only be a few minutes I promise.

She nods her head and they begin the drive to his apartment.

“What’s his apartment number?” Eddie asks with a laugh.

“420, it’s oddly fitting.” She laughs, and he can’t help but join.

As they drive along the freeway with the windows down Eddie can’t fight the smile on his face and the tears falling from his eyes, the happiest tears he has ever cried.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He says as he gets out of the car and runs inside the building on a search for the apartment. He looks at his watch as he rings the doorbell. 10 PM.

The door swings open and a very confused Richie meets a very happy Eddie.

“Eddie, I- “He cuts him off as Eddie jumps into his arms and wraps his legs around Richie’s waist almost toppling the boy over. Their lips connect like magnets, moving in sync, a feeling of happiness and warmth fills Eddie Kaspbrak’s entire being, and he hopes to god Richie feels the same.  

“I didn’t expect to ever see you again if I’m being honest.” Richie says as he sets Eddie down.

“After last night I knew I couldn’t keep living the same life. I didn’t want to keep living the same life.”

“How did you get back here so fast?” He asks.

“I left my fiancé, well ex-fiancé, faster than I could believe. Being in that apartment made me feel like I was suffocating, but when I came here I felt like I could breathe for the first time in my life.” Eddie says with a smile.

“I hope I can be the air in your lungs, and simultaneously take your breathe away.” Richie says with a small laugh.

Eddie shakes his head and laughs, an action he finds himself doing quite a bit around Richie.

“I can live with that.” Eddie says as he plants another small kiss on Richie’s lips.

“Where, uh, where are you staying?” Richie asks.

“I’m staying at Beverly’s, you should come by sometime.” Eddie says with a giggle.

“I’ll just have another excuse to escape to her house.” He says with a smile.

“I have to go, I’ll see you later.” Eddie says and pecks his cheek.

“I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.” Richie says as he walks away.

Eddie shakes his head and flips him off.

“Ready to go?” Beverly asks as Eddie gets into the car.

Eddie nods and bites his lip.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you so happy in years.” She says as she ruffles his hair. As she does so a feeling of overwhelming love washes over his body. Love for life, for Beverly, love for Richie, love for his new home.

“I love you Beverly.” He says with a smile as the car starts to drive.

“Love you too, kid.” She says.

 

When they get to Beverly’s apartment, he brings his things back into the guest room and starts to put things away. Alternating between folding and hanging clothes, a smile never leaving his face. He looks out his window, the sky pitch black and visible stars with the city rushing beneath it.

Everything is perfect, perfect like the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> witchierichie.tumblr.


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